"I think I was just just surviving for a year."
One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.
However the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.
Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.
"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.
Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.
The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.
His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.
Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader failure to communicate among men, who still absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.
Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."
"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.
Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.
They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.
Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - going on a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.
He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.
When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.
That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.
He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.
Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.
The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.
When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.
Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.
"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."
When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.
As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.
When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.
Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.
"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.
"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."
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Brian Hernandez
Brian Hernandez
Brian Hernandez