‘A narrative echoed in numerous households’: US families of substance-dependent kids see themselves in the Reiners – but worry about judgment.

When news broke that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a child’s addiction fear the dialogue will center on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this condition, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”